Bittersweet

That was my Facebook status yesterday. Because that’s what life looks like right now. Am in Vizag, the city I was born in, in the home that we have lived in for 20 years. It’s been wierd coming home, for the last two years. I live in denial the rest of the year, come home for Amma’s annual rites, and go back to denial. Because it’s easier that way. Much easier. This time however, was different. I had a reality check. Unforeseen circumstances have made me take a step back and look at what am doing. That this isn’t healthy. This is not what she would had wanted.  So I tried making my peace with things. That they were inevitable. That there was nothing I could have done. That there was nothing anyone could have done. The blame game has to end. Sooner or later.

It has been cathartic, this trip.

On a happier note, it’s overwhelming to see how Harshitha is bonding with everyone in the house. The dog, the turtles, the fish too. I had always hoped Harshitha would inherit my love for books and animals. And it looks like things are on the right track. *Anti-jinx.* She has been absolutely non-fussy  over food, which in itself is a miracle. I wish I could just wrap everything up in a suitcase and take it back with me. Ah, if wishes were horses…

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4 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. I do understand what you are going thru and I feel sad that I am not with you…….I know that you can’t wrap everything in a suitcase and carry back but yes, you can lock all these memories in your mind and come back……Whenever you feel like you can ride down the memory lane on the horses… 🙂

    Love
    Kanna

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