If I knew that was the last conversation we would be having, I would have been a little more proper and not screamed my head off. If I knew, I would have hugged you a little tighter. Held you a little closer. Been a little more polite. I would have told you how much you mean to me and that life wouldn’t be the same without you around. I know I haven’t been fair to you. But if I knew, I would have atleast behaved myself and not acted like a brat. I dont want you to have that image of me as your last impression. I dont want you to think “good riddance”. I should have been more poised, more lady-like, more adult, more sane.
I dont want you to brush me off as a wierd memory. I dont want you to remember me as the person you saw me as the last time. I want you to think of me with fondness, if not love. With a smile on your face, and not a frown. Is that asking for too much? I don’t know but I am sorry. And will always be. Not for knowing you. But for not having you forever.
P.S. This is not emotional blackmail. I know this will not bring you back… Just something I would have liked to have said to you. If I could have. And no, I am not crying.