If I knew..

 

If I knew that was the last conversation we would be having, I would have been a little more proper and not screamed my head off. If I knew, I would have hugged you a little tighter. Held you a little closer. Been a little more polite. I would have told you how much you mean to me and that life wouldn’t be the same without you around. I know I haven’t been fair to you. But if I knew, I would have atleast behaved myself and not acted like a brat. I dont want you to have that image of me as your last impression. I dont want you to think “good riddance”. I should have been more poised, more lady-like, more adult, more sane.

I dont want you to brush me off as a wierd memory. I dont want you to remember me as the person you saw me as the last time. I want you to think of me with fondness, if not love. With a smile on your face, and not a frown. Is that asking for too much? I don’t know but I am sorry. And will always be. Not for knowing you. But for not having you forever.

P.S. This is not emotional blackmail. I know this will not bring you back… Just something I would have liked to have said to you. If I could have. And no, I am not crying.

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5 thoughts on “If I knew..

  1. Life seldom gives us a chance to say a proper good bye… whether its forever or for a short while. All i can say is that there is always hope. Meanwhile the least you can do is chin up and go on. Like u said, we should never regret knowing a person. But just look on the time spent with fond memories.
    So I hope ur memories will help you go on and continue to love and live… ur so fortunate to have known this kind of friendship! so celebrate that, instead of the loss. after all, its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all 🙂

    1. I so agree, twin-soul-sister. And the loved and lost thingummy is so underrrated :-). It IS always better to have loved and lost :-). And thank you for the kind words. Much appreciated. :-).
      ps. It does help to relate to someone who’s “related” too 🙂

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